


And you go watch him grow old

by Fanofthebastillelife



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Death of a loved one, M/M, bereavement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 12:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12935451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanofthebastillelife/pseuds/Fanofthebastillelife
Summary: And he can watch you getting wiseAnd you can watch him growing old





	And you go watch him grow old

Traffic welcomes the city of London into a brand new day and hazy sunlight streams in through the thin net curtains which Will had helped Dan put up. They provide the room with a natural, hazy morning ambience. The low rumble of traffic passing the flat brings Dan from his slumber, and his eyes flicker open, his dream-like state ruined by the sad reality in which he lives. He prefers sleeping. Will watches him as he wakes up, silently observing the way he looks back at him with sadness in his eyes. A cool breeze blows through the open window on Dan's side of the room, giving him a chill. He can't be bothered to close it, so he just wraps the covers around him tighter as he tries to keep all of his sleepy warmth to himself. Will leans and rests a hand on the arm on his lover, but he doesn't so much as hum in reaction.

It's the middle of August, just gone a month since, and Dan misses the warm Summer afternoons sat with his friends, drinking and having a laugh. He's supposed to go out with Kyle, Woody, and Charlie after his doctor's appointment, but he doesn't really feel up to it. It's not the same anymore.

"Good morning to you, too," Will mutters with a sigh, watching Dan walk out of the room in nothing but a pair of boxers and Wills old 'Rhianna loves only me' tee, the clothes in which he had slept. The taller man heads towards the bathroom to show, and Will rises to follow, putting his hands into the front two pockets of his jeans. "Did you sleep well?"

Dan turns on the shower without a word, and the room is immediately filled with the sound of water harshly hitting the plastic of the bathtub. Thick steam begins to rise into the air. As he moves, Dan strips himself of his clothes, which makes Will look at the body he had fallen so deeply in love with. The body which has lost so much weight than he remembered.

Will perches on the toilet seat as Dan climbs in and grabs the shower gel, squirting some onto a sponge and rubbing his torso with it.

"Yeah, I did too. Thanks for asking, Dan. What's that? You love me? Good, I love you, too!"

Silence fills the room apart from the sound of water hitting the bath and the movement of traffic outside the window. Dan forgot to close it, so Will rises and does it himself. The small things count and makes everything between them feel slightly better, even if Dan doesn't admit it.

It's not until breakfast that Dan talks. He's stood at the countertop, preparing himself a cup of tea. Will had walked in to see his cup there, too. Halfway made, but no water. Dan stood in front of his own, removing the tea bag. He sings slightly under his breath, sweet, crisp melodies that he had performed on stage so many times. The very words which drew Will to Dan, and sparked their very first conversation. Will has missed that voice more than he'd miss his right hand, and he wishes Dan would just speak to him.

Will's instructions were simple. Watch him grow old, make sure he gets through everything okay. Don't leave him alone. However, when he feels like he's invisible, he doesn't really see the point.

There's a large picture of he and Dan on the fireplace in the living room. It's not a real fireplace, more of a heater with a fancy border. In the picture, they are sat in a beer garden in a pub in South London, and they're both smiling happily. Happy. Dan glances at it as he walks into the living room to retrieve his phone which he had accidentally left in there after he fell asleep on the sofa and had to get up at three AM to get himself to be. As he looks at it, specifically Will and how he used to be, he wonders if things will ever be the same again.

"I wish you would talk to me, you know," WIll says clearly, looking at Dan. He watches him sit at the table after pouring a bowl of cereal, and begins to eat. He just sits in silence with no response, scrolling through his photos on his phone, before moving through to Twitter. "Like, even just acknowledging the fact I'm here would be enough. Yet, all you do is ignore me. Blank stares. Looking through me. I hate it."

Will casts his eyes to the floor. Nothing had ever been the same since. Dan had never been the same.

The house is deafeningly quiet, and Will just sighs. He feels like crying.

"Hey, mate. Yeah. Yeah, I'm alright. Are you? Good. Can you drop us off at Greenwich, please? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, thanks."

Will climbs into the taxi with Dan as he gives the directions, settling quietly next to Will without putting his belt on. He places his hand on Dan's, whose phone starts to ring, so he moves it to answer. Will frowns. He won't even hold his hand.

"Yeah, I'm on the way there now. It'll probably be about an hour until I'm done. Yeah. Oh- well, honestly, Kyle, I'm not really in the mood. I know, I know, it's what's best for me and all this and that, but I just... I wanna go home and binge watch Netflix."

There's a pause.

"Ugh. Fine."

"Daniel, I'm so glad you could make it," the therapist says after Dan and Will have spent five minutes trying to find the room (Dan always gets lost), and ten more waiting. Will was sitting by his side, talking about random things, and how he hasn't seen the others in a while. He hates how Dan doesn't respond. "How're you doing?"

"Good." Dan smiles after he shakes the therapist's hand and takes a seat. Then the smile breaks. "Well, no. I'm not good. Not good at all, really."

His usual position is taken as he leans forward on his chair, putting his hands in his hair and tangling his fingers in there.

The therapist watches Dan. "What do you mean?"

"I mean the same thing that I say every time I come here. I mean that every day is getting significantly harder. I mean that I miss him like a hole in the head, I have no idea what to do without him, and this big black abyss that I'm falling into? Yeah, I'm falling deeper."

"So do you not feel like you're getting any better?" The therapist, Dr Craig, as Will found out by the name plate sat on his desk, says after he has allowed Dan a few seconds to call down and breathe.

Dan shakes his head and closes his eyes. It's like he's constantly drowning, but there is no water. Just his own thoughts, seeping into his lungs and slowly suffocating. "Nothing is getting better. At all."

Will can't think of anything he can do to support Dan. He's tried for as long as he's been here, and Dan has just ignored him. He places a hand on his back and rubs up and down.

"Losing somebody can be hard, Daniel. This is why you are here. But you are also here because you want to help yourself, and that's the biggest step you can take," he speaks quietly, but it's very clear that he's not actually that bothered. It's his job to be a therapist for people like Daniel, so he hears this story day in, day out. It's nothing new for him.

But, for Dan, this is the worse of the worse. Even the person he had to build the most confidence up to talk to doesn't really care.

"I'm here because Kyle forced me to come here, so I didn't do anything stupid, or so he said. Like I'd kill myself or something," he sighs and moves his hand to his mouth, biting subconsciously on the side of his finger. "I just... Sometimes I feel like he's lying right next to me. Watching me. Making sure I'm okay, like some sort of guardian angel."

Will's eyes open wide. So he has noticed him around then?

"That's very common, Daniel. Many people have these feelings that their loved ones are protecting them. Do you have any specific instances?"

"All day today. In the taxi on the way here, when I woke up, when I ate breakfast. I just felt him there, all the time."

"When people die, Daniel, your mind can play tricks on you."

"No, you don't understand. It's like he's been sent back down to me to watch over me."

"It's just your mind-"

"No, it's not. It's him, sat with me."

Will has tears in his eyes as he hugs his boyfriend tightly, "That's why I'm here, Dan, to watch you grow old."

"He's here to watch me grow old."

 


End file.
